just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
