I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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