Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
