I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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