Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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