in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
