That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
