i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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