i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
