Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
