I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
