there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
