Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
