What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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