Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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