2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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