Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
