hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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