dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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