Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
