The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
