Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
