I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
