I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
