you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
