I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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