Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
A+ Viking dick
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
