i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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