i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
