I am in a vortex of obligation.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
