I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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