Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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