Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
