Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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