remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize