I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
