i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
