how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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