she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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