she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
