fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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