dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
