so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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