i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
