it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
