he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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