yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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