I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
