i think my tv is drunk
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
