I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
