I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
