It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
