yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
