I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
