So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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