gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Terrible idea I love it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
