i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize