i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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