so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
