he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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