I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
