does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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