WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
