mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we're making bets on your personal life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
