he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
