mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
